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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28147971">original cliché</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/morkmins/pseuds/morkmins'>morkmins</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotionally Constipated Boys, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Underage Drinking, lapslock, please believe me when i say i adore hyunjin and i am sorry for this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:36:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,254</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28147971</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/morkmins/pseuds/morkmins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>there's a fleeting, selfish thought then, that he too, hugs jaemin like he is the most precious thing in the world. he always has.</p><p>jaemin is the most precious thing in his world. it is a fact, a sure thing—like the sun, like the moon. the sun is the center of the solar system, the moon is the earth's only natural satellite and na jaemin is the most precious thing in mark lee's world.</p><p>(or, the one where mark thinks that it is too cliché to fall for your best friend of many years, but it happens to him anyway.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Lee/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>original cliché</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this self-indulgent fic is cross-posted from my twitter, with some changes and additions here and there. i apologize in advance for this mess, i still like to believe that i am not a good writer.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“dude, you really have it bad.” jeno says, snapping mark back from his thoughts—or rather, from the <em>activity</em> he’s been doing the past minutes.</p><p>they are at chenle’s place celebrating his mother’s birthday. it's kind of a tradition chenle's family has, throwing a birthday party for every family member and inviting the closest relatives and friends. anyway, the activity in question would be mark who may or may not have been staring too long at jaemin, who is trying to feed jisung some chocolate pudding using his talking-to-a-baby voice.</p><p>he doesn't get what jeno is saying, though. “what?”</p><p>“you have it bad, for jaemin.”</p><p>“what do you mean?” mark asks again, still not quite following.</p><p>jeno sends him an incredulous look, like he can't believe mark has the audacity to ask that. “seriously?”</p><p>“what...? am i supposed to get what you mean?”</p><p>“have you seen the look in your eyes every time you look at him? it’s like he hung the stars in the sky or some shit.”</p><p>mark opens his mouth to argue. “first, it is not technically possible for me to see how i look at someone. second, i don’t look at jaemin like that.”</p><p>“mark, you literally had hearts in your eyes staring at him just now. and he’s doing aegyo that grosses everyone else out! you are whipped, dude.”</p><p>“i am not whipped. i just find him and jisung cute.”</p><p>well, that’s not entirely a lie. he finds it cute how jisung always pretends like he doesn’t like the affection jaemin showers him with, and not once has jaemin ever backed away from doing that. jaemin, among many other things, is a person so full of love, and he is never scared of showing it.</p><p>“you know there’s nothing wrong with liking jaemin, right?“ asks jeno again.</p><p>now, mark doesn’t have an answer to <em>that</em>.</p><p>of course he knows it’s not morally wrong to like your best friend. people can like whoever they want, and it’s not like you can choose who you fall for. they say the heart wants what it wants, right? but he and jaemin have been the best of friends for so many years, even before they reached puberty. they have been through so many ups and downs together, have seen each other at their best and worst.</p><p>wouldn’t it be too weird if he starts seeing jaemin as more than that and then wanting more? what if he ruins the perfect dynamic they’ve built over the years? over some... feelings that he himself is not even sure of yet.</p><p>“i know,” mark finally settles for an answer for jeno. “but i promise i don’t like him like that, jen.”</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>boy, was mark wrong. it's been days since the conversation with jeno happened and the more time passed, the less sure mark is of what he said. he can't stop thinking about it, about what he feels towards jaemin (he completely blames jeno for it).</p><p>what does it mean when you like someone? how is the 'like' that mark feels for jaemin different from the 'like' he feels for his other best friends?</p><p>he likes the way jeno's eyes turn intro crescent moons when he smiles, or how happy he is when he beats mark at video games. he likes jaemin even when he's crying, thinks the younger is still as pretty with tears running down his face.</p><p>he likes renjun's voice and the way he sings, or how he always spams their group chats with funny memes. he likes jaemin even if his voice cracks often when he sings, and likes him despite his poor sense of humor.</p><p>he likes the way jisung acts like he doesn't love the affection all of them gives him. he likes jaemin and the fact that he's never shy when it comes to showing his love for others, and that he constantly showers people with it.</p><p>he likes chenle and his confidence, how he is never afraid of saying what he thinks or showing what he feels. he likes jaemin even on days he's uncertain and doubtful, likes when he can hold him in his arms because jaemin always comes to him, laying himself bare and vulnerable.</p><p>and despite the loudness, he likes how donghyuck is always so bright and brings up the mood every time. but jaemin, he likes jaemin even when he is silent half of the time. he likes how jaemin doesn't say much, but never stops paying attention to the people he holds dear.</p><p>he likes jaemin for the many good things that he is. but he also likes jaemin despite his flaws and imperfection, or maybe more so because of them.</p><p>he likes jaemin.</p><p>he likes jaemin.</p><p>he <em>does</em> like jaemin like that.</p><p><em>god</em>, mark is so screwed.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>"you're awfully quiet today," says jaemin from where he's laying on mark's bed.</p><p>today it's just the two of them hanging out at mark's place after school. the others are busy with their own things.</p><p>"hm? am i?" mark answers, not looking up from his phone. he is playing pubg.</p><p>"yeah. you okay?"</p><p>the truth is, mark doesn't think he is. ever since the talk with jeno and the realization struck him, he's been feeling funny around jaemin. so now, he is <em>kind of</em> playing the game only to avoid having to talk much to jaemin and look at him in the eyes.</p><p>of course he is not telling jaemin that. "i am, jaem."</p><p>"okay if you say so."</p><p>it's quiet between them for a while. mark with his game and jaemin with whatever it is he's doing on his phone.</p><p>"you wanna order something to eat?" mark asks after some time, at the same time jaemin asks—</p><p>"should i give hyunjin a chance?"</p><p>"what?" mark finally looks up from his phone, staring at jaemin who has this unreadable expression on his face.</p><p>"corn dog sounds good, no? and i asked if i should give hyunjin a chance?" the last sentence asked with a tone of uncertainty, but mark still feels a sudden stir in his chest.</p><p>"what brought this up? i thought you said you didn't feel anything for him."</p><p>"i know, but he came to me again earlier. he said that it was gonna be the last time he gave it a try, if i still said no then he'll back off. i asked to give me some time. you should've seen the look in his eyes, mark. it's like i made him happy and all i did was ask for some time to think. i don't wanna give a false hope and break his heart."</p><p>"doesn't that only mean you'll say yes out of pity? that's not fair for him, don't you think?"</p><p>jaemin sighs, "i just— i've been thinking. there's nothing wrong with giving it a try, right? i mean, hyunjin is definitely not a bad guy. he is far from that. maybe if i gave us a chance, he'd grow on me. maybe i'd start feeling the same way."</p><p><em>give us a chance instead</em>, mark wants to answer.</p><p>of course he doesn't.</p><p>mark suddenly wants to laugh. it's funny how jaemin suddenly has a change of heart about hyunjin who's been after him for years, just when mark realized that he has non-platonic feelings for his best friend.</p><p>not that he knows what do with those feelings anyway, but the universe surely isn't in his favor, huh? maybe it's a sign.</p><p>"mark?" jaemin calls, voice small.</p><p>"yeah?"</p><p>"do you think i should say yes? i won't if you say no."</p><p><em>oh, jaemin</em>...</p><p>"i think you should say yes, jaem."</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>mark's day usually goes like this: waking up. getting ready for school. going to school with jaemin. getting through classes while trying his best to stay awake. lunch break with jaemin and the others. more classes. going home. and then hanging out with the boys at whoever's place is chosen for the day.</p><p>mark's days lately have not changed much, except for the fact that there's not much jaemin involved in them.</p><p>ever since jaemin said yes to hyunjin, the two have been quite inseparable.</p><p>jaemin naturally smiles a lot (and as much as mark hates to finally admit it, he takes mark's breath away each time), but these days he smiles a lot more. he seems happier with hyunjin around. mark should be happy too, really, because his best friend seems to have made the right decision giving hyunjin a chance.</p><p>and it's not like he doesn't hang out with him and the others at all. he still sits with them at lunch break, though not every day, and sometimes with hyunjin tagging along. he still hangs out at mark's or donghyuck's or jeno's place too when he doesn't have anything to do with hyunjin.</p><p>but hyunjin picks jaemin up every morning now, taking over mark's job that he'd been doing for the past few years.</p><p>maybe it wouldn't have been this hard if mark hadn't acknowledged his feelings for jaemin, but it is.</p><p>there is a jaemin-shaped hole in his life now and there is nothing mark can do about it.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>days, weeks, months passed. mark thinks he's doing a pretty good job concealing his feelings in front jaemin and his other friends. jeno gives him the stink eye sometimes when he, jaemin and hyunjin are in the same room, but mark likes to pretend he doesn't see it.</p><p>it's alright, it's whatever. it's not like mark was going to do anything with his feelings. he didn't even have that much time to ponder over them. what he's sure of is that jaemin is his best friend before he is mark's object of affection, and mark only wants him to be happy.</p><p>"whatcha thinking about, lee?" a familiar voice disrupts mark's thoughts, followed by its owner who makes his way into mark's room without knocking.</p><p>"do you not know the concept of knocking?"</p><p>jaemin shrugs his shoulders, "never had to knock before."</p><p>"because you always consider my room as yours too, you brat."</p><p>"isn't it, though?" jaemin grins at him.</p><p>"whatever. why are you here and not going on a date with your boyfriend? it's saturday."</p><p>"ooooh, why, are you jealous?"</p><p>"no, why would i?!" mark's answer comes too fast, too defensively. he curses himself internally.</p><p>"jeez, chill. hyunjin has a family gathering so i'm here to spend time with my best friend! what should we do today?"</p><p>"why did you assume i don't have any plans today before coming here...?" a pout appears on jaemin's face, mark tries his best not to giggle seeing it.</p><p>"oh. you have plans?"</p><p>"yeah, got a date."</p><p>"A WHAT?!"</p><p>mark loses it and cackles.</p><p>"the hell, mark?!"</p><p>"kidding, i was just kidding. i don't have a date or any other plans."</p><p>jaemin is silent for a second. the pout gone from his face, but there's something else there that mark can't quite place.</p><p>"it's not funny." he says, tone flat.</p><p>"okay, okay. i'm sorry." he ruffles jaemin's hair before continuing: "c'mon, don't sulk, na."</p><p>"you would tell me if you got a date, right?"</p><p>"huh?"</p><p>"if you're... seeing anyone, or going on a blind date, or whatever. you'll tell me, right?"</p><p>mark is not sure how to answer that because he's not interested in dating anyone other than this very boy sitting in front of him.</p><p>
  <em>wait, what?</em>
</p><p>"mark?"</p><p>"yeah? oh, right. of course. you'll be the first person to know, but i'm not interested in dating at the moment."</p><p>"why not?"</p><p>"dunno. no one attracts me, plus school's already tiring enough."</p><p>"i see. okay."</p><p>mark tries not to think about how weird jaemin is acting right now, so he drapes his arm around the other's shoulders and asks, "so, what do you wanna do?"</p><p>"can we rewatch b99?"</p><p>"again?"</p><p>jaemin looks up at him with his signature puppy eyes, and mark can feel his heart drop. "please?"</p><p>"ugh- yeah, okay. i'll get some snacks, you put it on."</p><p>"yay! love you, markie!"</p><p>ah. how mark hates himself for wishing that the words mean differently.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>mark likes a lot of things. first and foremost, obviously, he likes his best friend, na jaemin. he likes reading fiction. he likes watermelon. he also likes parties.</p><p>mark isn't the most sociable person out there, but he has his fair share of friends from different groups who invite him to their parties. and he likes going to parties, parties are fun; they take his mind off school and other stressful things.</p><p>tonight, sunwoo, a friend from the basketball team mark is a part of, is hosting one. and mark is invited. from what has been decided in his group chat with the others, jeno, renjun, donghyuck, and jaemin are going to be there as well.</p><p>mark arrives at sunwoo's pretty late since he had some errand to run. upon arriving, mark is greeted by some of his schoolmates.</p><p>he makes his way to the kitchen, getting himself a cup of coke. he doesn't plan on getting drunk tonight, but he knows his friends do, so someone has to stay sober to help them get home safe and sound. that's also why he drove there.</p><p>"hey mark, you're here." a familiar voice comes from behind him. he turns around to find jaemin standing there in what mark concludes as the Hottest Outfit he's ever worn.</p><p>his best friend is clad in a black silk button-up with the two top buttons undone and a pair of black ripped jeans that show too much of his thighs. his platinum blonde hair is pushed back, making his glorious forehead shown for everyone to stare at. mark swears can feel his breath taken away.</p><p>"like what you see, big boy?" jaemin asks, voice teasing.</p><p>"uh- yeah- you look h-hot."</p><p>"aww, mark, thank you! hyunjin helped with the styling. he's good."</p><p>"ah, i see. he's here too?"</p><p>"yeah, he's upstairs with the gang. i'm just getting more drinks." jaemin answers as he grabs two bottles of beer. of course hyunjin is here too.</p><p>"you're not drinking?" he asks mark after peeking at the coke in mark's cup.</p><p>"nah, gotta drive the boys home later. hyunjin brought a car? he's not drinking, right?"</p><p>"yeah, he's not. c'mon, mark, let's go upstairs."</p><p>an hour later, mark finds himself sitting in a big circle in sunwoo's room, jeno on his right and heejin on the left. donghyuck just decided that they have to play truth or dare, and even if mark thinks it's lame, he doesn't really know how to say no either.</p><p>what makes this annoying though, is that he has to go through this game while jaemin is sitting in hyunjin's lap, right across him.</p><p>"okay, i'm gonna spin the bottle." donghyuck says, going to the center and does as what he just said.</p><p>the game starts, and mark tries his best to distract himself from staring at jaemin and hyunjin by watching his friends spill some embarrassing truths or do ridiculous dares. it's working pretty well. at some point, the bottle stops and points at jaemin, and by extention, hyunjin.</p><p>"alright, since you two are attached at the hip, literally, both of you are doing it. so, truth or dare?" eric who just had his turn ask the couple.</p><p>"truth." they both answer at the same time.</p><p>"ugh, i hate couples." eric whines, then seems to be thinking for a while before finally coming up with a question. "okay. were you guys ever in love with anyone else before dating each other?"</p><p>the others go "<em>oooohhhh</em>!" and make different weird sounds, but mark can't help but see the way jaemin's body slightly stiffens in hyunjin's embrace.</p><p>the next second, jaemin's eyes meet his own, the look in them familiar and unreadable at the same time. for the first time in all the years mark has known jaemin, he feels the strong need to look away. his heart is beating like crazy for so many reasons.</p><p>he hears jaemin mumble a "<em>yes</em>" a few milliseconds after hyunjin says "<em>no</em>", and the crowd goes silent.</p><p>"ehm, okay. this is awkward. let's just go again. spin it, jaem." donghyuck says with a fake laugh. jaemin does as he's told.</p><p>mark's head is not fully in the game anymore. jaemin's answer and stare earlier stuck in the back of his mind. he really doesn't wanna assume anything about it, but why did it look like it meant something? and how did mark not know about him being in love with someone else before hyunjin?</p><p>his string of thoughts are interrupted when he notices yena crawl her way to him.</p><p>wait. what is happening?</p><p>it looks like mark just uttered his question out loud, because the next thing he knows, yena is already kneeling in front of him and says, "i am dared to kiss the person who i think is the hottest one in this room, mark lee. were you zoning out?"</p><p>"what? then why are you in front of m— <em>oh</em>."</p><p>"now, now. don't get too cocky, mark. let's just get this over with." and then yena's lips are on his. they taste like cherry and cheap beer.</p><p>mark can hear his other friends go wild. is he supposed to feel something? he doesn't feel anything.</p><p>"what goes on in that big head of yours, mark lee? i'm upset that you were not kissing me back." yena's tone is teasing, so mark knows she's not genuinely upset. he can't help but to apologize, though. for what, he doesn't know.</p><p>"s-sorry. i- i was just surprised."</p><p>well, he partly was, okay? one of the hottest girls in school thinks <em>he</em> is the hottest person in this room and just kissed him on the freaking lips.</p><p>"yeah, whatever. it's just a game."</p><p>when the game continues and mark finally comes back to his sense, he realizes something that makes his inside churn.</p><p>jaemin and hyunjin are gone.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>the thing about having been friends with someone for literally almost all your life is that you can always tell when they're lying to you.</p><p>mark didn't really want to think about it before—the fact that jaemin seemed to be avoiding him.</p><p>he didn't reply to mark's text asking him if he got home safely that night after the party or any of his texts after that. and jaemin always, always replies to his messages no matter how busy he is. he didn't join mark and the rest of their friends during lunch for days, nor did he come to their houses to play after school. he also didn't come bothering mark on the weekend to rewatch brooklyn nine-nine for the nth time.</p><p>it drives mark crazy. jaemin has never pulled any shit like this before. he hates not knowing why.</p><p>and that's enough reason for mark to visit the younger's house on a sunday morning, knowing all too well jaemin will still be right on his bed.</p><p>he goes up to jaemin's room after greeting and making small talk to his parents. just like he predicted, jaemin is still sleeping soundly on his bed. mark walks closer to where his best friend is, letting himself sit on the small space at the edge of the bed.</p><p>mark hates the way his heart skips a beat when he decided to stare at his best friend's sleeping figure. jaemin is so pretty; his long lashes resting on his cheeks, his thin lips forming a slight pout, his jet black hair all messy.</p><p>mark despises himself even more, for this sudden urge he has to kiss this boy in front of him, the one he's been friends with for a decade and now has a boyfriend of his own, in his unconscious state.</p><p>so he gets up from his position before he does something he'll regret, and moves to the carpet to rest his back on jaemin's bedside. he goes on social medias mindlessly as he waits for jaemin to wake up. all the while thinking about what he should say once jaemin does.</p><p>jaemin finally wakes up a little over an hour later. his voice is laced with sleep and surprise when he calls: "mark?"</p><p>mark turns his head to face him. "hi. i waited for you to wake up for more than an hour."</p><p>"why— why are you here?"</p><p>mark moves back to the bed, his hand reaching out to fix jaemin's bed hair before he can stop himself. if he notices jaemin's body stiffens at the action, he doesn't say anything about it.</p><p>"you've been avoiding me all week."</p><p>"i have not—"</p><p>"don't even try lying, na. why?"</p><p>"i'm not lying and i haven't been avoiding you. i've just been busy."</p><p>"with what?"</p><p>"huh?"</p><p>"busy with what that you decided to completely ignore my existence?"</p><p>"i don't—"</p><p>"did i do something wrong? did i upset you?"</p><p>"mark— no. you're exaggerating. everything's fine!"</p><p>"then why haven't you replied to any of my texts? or come to lunch and hang out with us?"</p><p>"i told you i've been busy! why are you suddenly so clingy?!"</p><p>it stings.</p><p>"i'm clingy?" a chuckle comes out of his mouth, short and cold.</p><p>jaemin visibly shudders at the tone.</p><p>"well forgive me for wanting to see and spend time with my best friend. for wanting to make sure he's doing okay. for missing him."</p><p>mark abruptly gets up, suddenly feeling suffocated in the confinement of jaemin's room.</p><p>"mark— i'm sorry— i didn't mean to—"</p><p>"you know what, jaem? i've been friends with you long enough to know that you're much better than this. so if you finally decided to stop acting like a dick, come find me."</p><p>and with that, mark leaves.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>it’s been almost two weeks since their fight and jaemin still hasn’t come find him. </p><p>so naturally, mark decides to just play along and avoids him back. it’s fortunately pretty easy to do so since it’s almost midterm season, meaning that their group of friends don’t hang out much as much as usual. and if they do, mark just takes a rain check when he knows jaemin will be there.</p><p>to say that it frustrates mark would be an understatement; they have never gone this long without seeing or talking to each other. the longest fight they had only lasted for four days, back when they were in middle school. mark doesn’t even remember what triggered it.</p><p>what he remembers, though, back then they called a truce because jaemin couldn’t reject mark’s peace offering which came in a form of a tube of his favorite ice cream. it was that easy.</p><p>but feelings; they are not easy. never were, never will be.</p><p>it's been almost two weeks and what jaemin said to him that eventful morning keeps repeating in mark's head like a broken record, hurting him over and over again: <em>why are you suddenly so clingy?!</em></p><p>if it didn't pain him this much, mark would've laughed at the irony of it all. for months all he did was watching jaemin slowly stray further away from him, letting him slip through his fingers like sand.</p><p>the only thing mark has been clinging to all this time is hope; hope that as he tries his best to throw away his feelings to keep everything the way it is, he doesn't end up losing his best friend in the process.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>mark hears it when he's studying alone at the library.</p><p>"did you know na jaemin and hwang hyunjin broke up?" an unfamiliar girl's voice comes from behind mark, making his ears perk up immediately.</p><p>"for real? that's too bad. i thought they looked good together." another voice answers.</p><p>"yeah, me too. poor hyunjin, we knew he was trying to woo jaemin for the longest time."</p><p>mark doesn't hear the rest of their conversation as he abruptly collects all of his belongings and then bolts out of the library, his legs taking him to where he knows he should be.</p><p>he arrives in front of jaemin's dorm room in less than ten minutes, sweaty and out of breath. as he tries to catch his breath, mark thinks about how he ran straight here like a crazy person only after hearing a conversation of two strangers. he realizes: no matter what happens, he could never find it in him to be actually mad at jaemin.</p><p>the owner of the room opens the door after mark's second set of knocks. and mark swears to god he can feel his heart shattered at the sight of his best friend.</p><p>jaemin is clad in a very familiar oversized sweater and a pair of sweatpants. his hair is a huge mess and his eyes are red from what mark sure is too much crying, the bags under them are so dark it pains mark to see.</p><p>if mark was any other person, he would dumbly ask jaemin if he was okay. but mark is not just any person in jaemin's life, and neither is jaemin in his. so he lets himself in before jaemin can say anything and closes the door behind.</p><p>when mark opens his arms and jaemin throws himself at him, he makes sure to give him the warmest hug. his jaemin deserves the warmest hug.</p><p><em>i'm here. i'm here. i'm here.</em> mark wants to say. instead, he tightens his arms around jaemin, letting him wet mark's t-shirt with tears.</p><p>for what feels like hours, they both just stand there in each other's embrace. mark tries not to think about how this is the closest they've ever been since his best friend started dating. despite the familiar warmth, he hates how the boy in his embrace is crying his heart out.</p><p>a few more minutes past, and mark startles himself when he hears jaemin mumble against his shoulder.</p><p>"i am so embarrassed to look at you in the eye now."</p><p>"well, you don't exactly look pretty crying."</p><p>
  <em>lie, that's a lie.</em>
</p><p>jaemin loosens his embrace and looks at mark anyway. and yes, mark still thinks he is the prettiest boy he's ever laid his eyes on, tears and snots and all.</p><p>mark wipes the tears on his cheeks with his thumb. "you wanna tell me what happened?" he asks carefully.</p><p>there's a beat of silence before jaemin answers, beckoning for mark to walk to his bed. "sit down first."</p><p>"so...?" mark starts once they're sitting on the edge of jaemin's bed.</p><p>"how much have you heard?"</p><p>"not much. heard some girls talk about your break up at the library and i immediately ran here."</p><p>jaemin's eyes widens at that, and he sounds so small when he asks again. "you're not mad at me anymore?" there's a slight edge of hope in his tone and suddenly mark feels a force of guilt and sadness cutting through him.</p><p>it really hits him then, that he's not the only one hurting because of their fight. it hurts jaemin just as much as it does him.</p><p>mark takes jaemin's hands in his, holding them tight as if the other would disappear if he didn't. "you know i couldn't stay mad at you for long even if i tried."</p><p>minutes passed and jaemin still hasn't said anything else, too busy playing with the hem of his sweater. it's a habit he has when he's nervous, or when he's afraid of hurting someone for what he's about to say.</p><p>lifting a hand to brush some hair out of jaemin's eyes, mark tries again: "what happened, hm?"</p><p>"it happened not long after sunwoo's party. he knew i was— i am in love with someone else."</p><p>mark's heart skips a beat then—from shock, from hope, he's not sure.</p><p>"and even then he was still so... kind. so understanding, forgiving. i hurt him so badly, mark. but he still hugged me like i was the most precious thing in the world."</p><p>jaemin breaks down into tears again, face buried in his hands and body shaking. "i should've never said yes in the first place."</p><p>and again, mark brings jaemin into his embrace. he wonders how it must have felt like, to grow up wanting nothing but to love and to give, but then one day realizing that you've become the reason behind someone's pain because of feelings you cannot control.</p><p>but in the midst of it, there's a fleeting, selfish thought then, as he is sitting there with an arm full of jaemin that he too, hugs jaemin like he is the most precious thing in the world. he always has.</p><p>jaemin is the most precious thing in his world. it is a fact, a sure thing—like the sun, like the moon. the sun is the center of the solar system, the moon is the earth's only natural satellite and na jaemin is the most precious thing in mark lee's world.</p><p>when jaemin's crying finally stops, he detaches himself from mark and silence engulfs him once again. but the thoughts in mark's head are so loud it's almost deafening.</p><p>it all comes back to the elephant in the room; is he brave enough to ask? does he really want to know? will jaemin's answer put the pieces of mark's heart back together or will it break them even more? leaving him with nothing but hollowness.</p><p>"aren't you going to ask?" jaemin says with his head down. it's so soft and small mark almost thinks he's imagining it.</p><p>mark looks at jaemin, really looks at him, and can't help but wonder once again. if he dares to lay himself bare at this very moment, inside the small space of jaemin's room, how will he come out of it? will he have the world or will he lose it?</p><p>before he can wonder any longer, jaemin lifts his head to look back at mark—and then it hits him. the epiphany comes the moment their eyes meet, in between a heartbeat and the next, fast and quiet mark's afraid he'd miss it.</p><p>it's like staring at a mirror; the want, the longing, the fear. he always looks at jaemin, how come mark has never noticed it before?</p><p>"i guess you just found out the answer." jaemin says, a shy smile spread across his face. mark sucks in a breath.</p><p>"i— i am in love with you too. i think i have been for a long time."</p><p>mark watches as the smile on jaemin's face shifts from shy to a bright, dazzling one, before the latter throws himself at him, making the two of them fall to the bed. they lay there with jaemin on top of mark, staring at each other with hearts in their eyes, now apparent. in their heads they are thinking: <em>why did it have to take this long?</em></p><p>mark moves, changing their positions so they now lay on their sides, faces a couple of inches apart. he whispers: "i'm so sorry for being stupid and scared."</p><p>"that makes two of us."</p><p>they are laughing then, the first genuine ones in a long time. mark suddenly thinks back to an essay he had read not long ago, it says: <em>a small space, and one person, and that’s the size of the whole world.</em></p><p>he feels jaemin's hand reaching for his in between their bodies, intertwining their fingers. jaemin asks with a grin on his pretty face: "don't you think it's the perfect time for us to kiss right now?"</p><p>mark nods before bridging the small distance between them. he has the whole world now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is the <a href="https://griefbacon.substack.com/p/small-rooms">essay</a> i mentioned at the end of the fic. it's beautiful, you might wanna check it out.</p><p>thank you so much for making it till the end :)</p><p>talk to me on <a href="https://twitter.com/morkmins">twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.me/morkmins">cc</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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